I've remembered my password and I've decided to write. And thank you, for all of ya'll who have been spiritual brothers and sisters, who have as a result of this bond ended up on my mailing list. Everyday, I try to be a genuine human being. But, very often I fail at this task. And who does not; we end up in various situations where we have to pretend, where either a.) we do not know who we truly are (what honesty exists or is for us) or b.) It seems more appropriate to pretend. So, can I accept that I am constantly pretending, while also having the sincere desire to cease pretendin? Ya dig? Can I strive to be wonderful, brilliant, ourself, while also accepting that I am COMPLETELY lost. And maybe being lost is being honest to myself, chewing and digesting that i have made lots of misguided mistakes, and that is part of what my life is, that I'm too young to be wondering about mistakes but its there! Because living is FAR, FAR from orderly, even though we desire it to be so. Something far more complex than a plain yogurt story revolving around ourselves. A love lost, a love gained. Sometimes incredibly painful and debilitating, sometimes awestruck. That is existence (at this moment, for me).
(Above is L. Ron Hubbard, founder of scientology, as Buddha, lovin his self)
